Goddess, are you out there? Can you hear my pleas? For love, relief, kindness? I can just see the hem of your grey broomstick skirt, Feel the molten relief of your core. Are you the earth? The soft, grounded body of my dear Meg? Could it be possible, even, that you’re here with me now?… Read More Fear in the Morning
If we happen to be fighting while we’re walking down the sidewalk, for example, He asks me to please keep my voice down. His eyes dart all around like bees. Unlike most bees in this situation, when he hears my raised voice, he is scared. Maybe because we’re fighting, But probably because other people can… Read More Dear Women, Please scream in public.
I don’t want to die. And. There is so much magic in the world, I’m discovering. Palo Santo smoke and steam from lemon balm and mint curling up. I’m awake. My neck hurts from a night spent sleeping, somehow, in the wrong position. Not enough of a cradle for the nerves, bones, soft tissue connecting… Read More Fear and Magic
I just stood in my kitchen, after chopping up a sweet potato that a friend gave me in one of those meal-in-a-box things, and I raised my fists to the air in triumph. I’m in my kitchen. Making a meal. Listening to Kesha. I’m alive. I win. Thirty minutes before that, I sat at the… Read More Grief and Triumph
Hey party people. It’s been a long time. That’s because in August and September and some of October this year, I found myself in the deepest depression, most intense anxiety and worst insomnia of my life. The shame I felt in those months was devastating. I stayed away from people I like, feared people I… Read More One human’s retrospective on the worst depression, anxiety and insomnia ever
Well sonofabitch you guys. I’ve been feeling great. Even though there have been some familiar and unfamiliar problems, I’ve still been rocking it. I’m embarrassed to have just written that here because this blog holds my past up like a mirror. The exuberant spring, the broken summer and now this. I can’t keep up an… Read More The humble work of being human
This just in! Bay Area mother discovers that the behavior of her sons has everything and nothing to do with her. Stephanie Mackley—known for her essays on feminism, parenting, and dark-ish, somewhat funny forays into the meaning of life—has recently found her footing again, after a hell-raising summer and first few weeks back to school.… Read More Mom learns she has everything and nothing to do with her children's behavior
Is it normal to feel, at the age of 38, like you are just starting to figure out how to live a good, satisfying human life? Since coming out of my reproductive coma, I’ve been wandering into a particular state in which I feel like I can see and understand all of the things. Or… Read More Chambers of knowing
Typically, I wouldn’t smile after I told you this story. If I were being typical, I would finish it up with an exasperated guffaw that means, “Aren’t they insane? Don’t you just dream about being in a silent room alone, eating grapes?” But because of a particularly brilliant session with my new therapist counselor person… Read More Sidewalk candy or My son is not horrible at all
A couple weeks ago, I was doing what I usually do on a Monday morning: sitting in a room full of upholstered chairs with other allergy sufferers, applying ice packs to my arms while waiting the mandatory 30 minutes after getting my allergy shots. I often bring a book to read, but this time I… Read More I'd choose anaphylaxis over depression any day of the week and twice on Sundays
Stephanie Mackley 